The Examined Life

In traditional form, my classes prepare for exams by thinking about hope, about ways to refresh the spirit when the world weighs heavy, oppressive, daunting, even dark and depressing.  I love these discussions, filled with revelations and discovery.  Oh sure, some scoff and roll eyes, but in the end, everyone has a moment whether he or she realizes it or not.  Guess it all comes from so many moments in my own life, especially once I realized how I could tap into that happiness, that pleasure, that saving grace simply by closing my eyes and remembering.  Oh yes, I use personal examples and literature (from "Tintern Abbey" to "Birches") to prime the pump, to fire up the brainstorming, but soon unique bits and pieces of real life fly through the air and meet with puzzlement and wonder and most of all, affirmation and connection.  Even those who don't speak up find their wheels turning, their wills bending, their resistance fading.  They may not give in or even embrace the concept today, but the seed, the seed nestles into that safe, fertile corner where the mind and heart converge.  One day, hopefully, when they need it most, that seed will blossom forth and yield that fragrant flower of hope, of refreshment, that welcome subtle perfume wafting through on second wind they didn't think they had.  If only a handful come to that realization, what a difference an insignificant (in life terms) Comp exam could make!  Kipling captured it:  "If you can force you heart and nerve and sinew / To serve your turn long after they are gone / And so hold on when there is nothing in you / Except that will that says to them, 'Hold on!'"  We all have that capability in us.  Sometimes it just happens, but how nice to know the button to push, the key to turn, the password for access, and if we want, we can collect an arsenal of glorious weapons that not only do no harm, but keep us safe in the light.  Lay on, darkness.  You are no match for us.  Funny, just as I prepared for this lesson, the end of a "House" episode lent me yet another petite parable.  The story concerned a lotto winner who promised himself he would not end up tabloid headline.  He stayed true to his ways and searched for a long-lost love to share his wealth.  Now, even his best friend tried to dupe him, but in the end, he kept his faith and it paid off.  House, the ever-grumpy and cynical comments:  "He'll still lead a miserable little life."  His colleague counters, though:  "No, he'll always be hopeful, so he'll always be happy."  Not only do I agree with the latter, I live it.  No, I'm not happy every moment of every day, but I KNOW I will be...soon.